You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
