We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
