so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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