her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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