Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
