just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
