Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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