If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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