i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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