That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am one with the molecules
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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