Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
