But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
