I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
