i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
