Christians are straight up FREAKS
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we're so committed to being not committed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
