Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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