I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
