this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
