God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
