Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
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