I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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