I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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