Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this just has baby written all over it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
