porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
