just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
