do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
