I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize