My cat gives me a boner
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
