Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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