And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
