Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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