for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize