i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
