Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
