Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
