2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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