i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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