We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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