I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
