Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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