i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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