he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
