I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
