I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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