I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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