this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
