I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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