The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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