Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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