your room smells of hookers.
And success
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
