so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
