he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
