i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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