i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.