yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
