When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they need to just BURY HIM!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
