I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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