apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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