I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
