we're chasing vodka with high fives
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize