I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
