I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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